There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

You were born to shine

Garbage in, garbage out. Or rather more felicitously: the tree of nonsense is watered with error, and from its branches swing the pumpkins of disaster.

Usury is the cancer of the world, which only the surgeon's knife of fascism can cut out of the life of the nations.

It is always some consolation in sorrow to feel that it is shared, and any burden laid on several is carried more lightly or removed.

It turns out that I learned something from my dear old dad after all: firemen are experts at getting into places they shouldn't be.

Let's talk sense to the American people. Let's tell them the truth that there are no gains without pains.

I had a simple goal in life: to be true to my parents and our country as an honorable son, a caring brother, and a good citizen.

Every person is a possibility. The hopeless romantics feel it most acutely, but even for others, the only way to keep going is to see every person as a possibility.

It was a delightful visit;-perfect, in being much too short.

When it comes to money, if you have it, you may feel that you don't deserve it—guilt. If you don't have it, you may feel that you should have it—guilt.