There's always a source for humor.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

God knows you very well

I am small.So are stars from a distance. It's all a matter of perspective.

If you try to act, you're going to look like you're acting. So don't act.

Genius ... is necessarily intolerant of fetters.

I became a councillor back in 1971, so if by this stage in politics I'm making lots of big mistakes, then I shouldn't be here.

A squirrel dying in front of your house may be more relevant to your interests right now than people dying in Africa.

There is no applause that so flatters a man as that which he wrings from unwilling throats.

I have no story. My story goes from day to day.

We insist on near perfection in everyone except ourselves. But if our course is questioned we become offended.

The world may be divided into people that read, people that write, people that think, and fox-hunters.