There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Flythe kitesof your soul, letyour spiritsoar.

Some men are so willing to know their future, but unwilling to face the fear of their own death.

I miss smoking (two to four packs a day) but I don't miss the crackle in my lungs when I breathed.

I'm fully aware that 'Doctor Who' will always, always be part of my life, and that's not something I would run away from in the slightest. I wear it with pride, definitely.

You should shine with all of your light all the time.

I would have had my patent long, long ago, and it would have run out long, long ago. I would have made, maybe, $100.000, much less that the patent has brought me now.

I seldom speak on songs, as in when people ask me for fave songs. I really have only fave parts.

The low desire, the base design That makes another's virtues less.

Leadership is the behavior each of us exerts when we take responsibility for our actions and their consequences.

Quit counting time and start making time count