There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Bless the world. Let it be a wonderful world with love, peace, joy and happiness.

The mind is the master of the soul, and the soul is the master of your universe. Learn to master your mind.

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family.

As a matter of self-preservation, a man needs good friends or ardent enemies, for the former instruct him and the latter take him to task.

You'll either find the answer or you'll come up with a better question.

Rock and roll never sleeps. It just passes out.

Just always be waiting for me.

I've always wanted to work for Walt Disney. That's what I thought I was going to do when I grew up.

I like PETA as a group for many reasons, but one of the reasons that I admire them is that they say and do the things that other groups won't do.