There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

Before I fellin love with words, with setting skies and singing birds—it was you I fellin love with first.

There’s no secret to success, but if there were one, it would be that your decisions create your success or lack of it and the quality of your decisions will determine the quality of your life.

The best gifts one can give to someone are not things, the best ones to offer are a little Time, Love, Care and Respect.

Secrets are a responsibility and a painfully taxing one at that.

The Navy credits me with more kills as a sniper than any other American service member, past or present.

False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade.

You have to break your fingers to learn how to play guitar.

The whole 'R' rating depends on a strange sort of fantasy land where all adults are responsible people, and children only ever go to the cinema with their parents.

Fundamentally, we are a product of choice, not nature (genes) or nurture (upbringing, environment).

The greatest of all mistakes is to do nothing because you think you can only do a little.