There's no real formula for doing it, it's either just living life and writing down a joke you think of in the middle of the day and then pieces those together later.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

If, in the end, you have not chosen Jesus Christ it will not matter what you have chosen.

The U.S. military is so far behind the rest of our society.

I have a cosmetics line in Walgreens. It's exclusively at Walgreens. It's called Circa and it's basically prestige cosmetics that are at drug-store prices.

Caution is the path to mediocrity.

My gran'ther's rule was safer 'n 't is to crow: Don't never prophesy - onless ye know.

They that have lived a single day have lived an age.

Good fiction must be entertaining- but what makes fiction special- and True- is that the realness of a novel allows it to carry a larger message.

A majority of this country opposes this war, a majority of this country never voted for this administration.

He that can heroically endure adversity will bear prosperity with equal greatest of the soul; for the mind that cannot be dejected by the former is not likely to be transported without the latter.

I think all humans are essentially proud and I certainly am.