There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

It's all a question of imagination. Our responsibility begins with the power to imagine.

Remember what happened last time with the 'cuda.

I thought I wanted caprice and fire, but it turns out that what I really want is someone who will wake me up early so I don't miss a sunrise.

A knife may scar a body, but a careless word will wound a soul.

I feel like I am not an American in the eyes of my government because of their religious beliefs. I think that is un-American.

The Great Commission to go into all the world is not only geographical, but must include every field, profession, discipline, sport, etc.

The single most important factor in determining America's success in the 21st century will be maintaining our ability to be an innovative and creative society.

Man, if I was back home, I'd be swinging with two chicks on my arms.

Ew, no!' Laurel said, brushing past him. Dracula covered half his face with his cape, shunned vampire-style, and scooted away to his perch behind the counter.

It may be that the ignorant man, alone, Has any chance to mate his life with life That is the sensual, pearly spouse, the life That is fluent in even the wintriest bronze.