There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Someone needs your actions to inspire his actions. Never forget, your little broken cake is someone’s daily meal! Care to share you little cake!

Love well, laugh often and live well for Christ.

Ruefully admitting we can neither remain children nor all become artists still less saints and mystics, we turn back, regretfully, but massively, to the time-ridden world.

To every rule there are diverse sub rules which all apply to the same rule.

Do well and right and let the world sink.

Ive always liked the idea of being a father. And Ive always romanticised it, because I lost my father when I was young. In a way, all of the complications that come with my career are about that.

News conference in Chicago, where he apologized for the above statement, which was accepted by the Vatican. (11 August 1966)

Dads are the appendix of humanity. They should just be taken out before they start causing problems.

O, teach me how you look, and with what art You sway the motion of Demetrius' heart."-Helena