There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I don't impressed if you're a religious person.I just wanna know about soul behind that mask.

It's not your knowledge, skill, status & good look that enable you to do great things. It's your trustworthiness. But, you've to EARN it...

It was awful, he cried, awful, awful!Still, the sun was hot. Still, one got over things. Still, life had a way of adding day to day.

If you look accurately into your life, it is full of fun and enjoyment.

There is only one thing in the world that is really valuable, it is to do good.

I was raised Irish Catholic, but I don't consider myself Irish Catholic: I consider myself me, an American.

Without Greek studies there is no education.

And then the witness, if you go down into the witness, that has the spiritual being. Down there, in your soul, you'll get far more love than you ever got out there.

Don't ever be someone you're not. We are all that we are, so why try to change that?

At evening casual flocks of pigeons make Ambiguous undulations as they sink Downward to darkness, on extended wings.