There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.

Making suffering loom larger, by globalizing it, may spur people to feel they ought to "care" more.

The challenges you are passing through today, are only preparing you for your success tomorrow”.

Believe in supernatural power.

It is not so much that I have confidence in scientists being right, but that I have so much in nonscientists being wrong.

It seems no more than right that men should seize time by the forelock, for the rude old fellow, sooner or later, pulls all their hair out.

Who except God can give you peace? Has the world ever been able to satisfy the heart?

No metaphor reinvents the job of the nurture of children except to muddy or mock.

God gives quietness at last.

Success is never getting to the bottom of your to-do list.

All delay is irksome, but it teaches us wisdom.