There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Geckos could caught by hand, but they could be found in the men's room.

Life is so precious! Live with love, joy, happiness, and abundance.

What doesn't kill you makes a good story.

Some politicians like to kiss babies. I like to kiss the baby's mommas.

if you listen long enough - or is it deep enough? - the silence of a lover can speak plainer than any words! Only you must know how to listen. Pain must have taught you how.

When i want to hear new music, i make it

If we played Boston four-on-four, without Russell, we probably would have won every series. That guy killed us. He's the one who prevented us from achieving true greatness.

Money comes and goes. When you pass away it's about what you've done to make this world a better place.

For me the hardest struggle in my faith life was the Catholic Church is against the death penalty.