There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Act decidedly and take the consequences. No good is ever done by hesitation.

For too long the world has failed to recognise that the Olympic Games and the Olympic Movement are about fine athletics and fine art.

Nobody who works 40 hours a week should be living in poverty.

In the past, I would try to control so much, but that's just too stressful, and gives me too much anxiety and worry.

Great drama is the souvenir of the adventure of a master among the pieces of his own soul.

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

Why throw money at problems? That is what money is for. Should the nation's wealth be redistributed? It has been and continues to be redistributed to a few people in a manner strikingly unhelpful.

That team across the way, you tip your hat to them. They did a great job. It showed in these Finals.

The way of success is not run with seven league boots but step by step, little by little, bit by bit ... with no exceptions allowed.

History causes the military problem to become the essence of the political problem.