There's the old joke, "What's the difference between country and redneck? Well, that's three hundred dollars."

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

An agnostic is a creature that is religiously skeptical whenever it is told that God exists … or that He doesn’t.

Truth lives in the spaces between words. It defies translation.

A lot of times, magazines end up presenting me as some type of weirdo, but I make my music for everyday people.

We're losing biodiversity globally at an alarming rate, and we need a cornucopia of different plants and animals, for the planet's health and our own.

Nothing is so obvious that it's obvious.

A painting is a collection of a series of corrections.

There are seminars that teach us how to cope with depression, sickness and relationship break down. But God wants us to overcome.

The cow is the purest type of sub-human life.

She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time.

Well I can't rightly say (which player hit the ball hardest), but the ones (home runs by) Ruth hit got smaller quicker.