There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

If you read great literature every day, you will uplift your spirit, soul and self.

The thought is a deed. Of all deeds she fertilizes the world most.

Unfortunately, nothing can protect you from the thoughts in your own head.

One completely overcomes only what one assimilates.

Art to me is an anecdote of the spirit, and the only means of making concrete the purpose of its varied quickness and stillness.

The function of the child is to live his own life - not the life that his anxious parents think he should live.

If you have a screaming angry director, everyone else will be panicked as well.

Web analytics is a fire extinguisher. Your website is on fire and you're burning cash.

Recognize that on certain days the greatest grace is that the day is over and you get to close your eyes. Tomorrow comes more brightly.

Presumption is our natural and original malady. The most vulnerable and frail of all creatures is man, and at the same time the most arrogant.