There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Let your dream bloom

Fear grows in the darkness of the mind. It vanishes with the light of knowledge like the morning mist.

The earth had two childrenA son named Adamand a daughter

Before all else, the Gospel invites us to respond to the God of love who saves us, to see God in others and to go forth from ourselves to seek the good of others.

There is no effort in time wasted by remembering the truth. A lie requires an effort of life and wasted time to remember because one lie tends to become a lifestyle that destroys.

As you age naturally, your family shows more and more on your face. If you deny that, you deny your heritage.

We cannot of ourselves estimate the degree of our success in what we strive for.

Don't hoard the past. Don't cherish anything. Burn it. The artist is the phoenix who burns to emerge.

The greatest geniuses sometimes accomplish more when they work less.

Somebody who never got over the embarrassing fact that he was born in bed with a lady.