There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better."

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

An Authorpreneur focuses on establishing one's brand to the consumer using different avenues to promote their work.

Everyone talks about Spanish influences, but where is it?...Tell me 10 great Spanish restaurants in London....You can’t give me the addresses. Nor in Paris.

No man knows till he experiences it, what it is like to feel his own life-blood drawn away into the woman he loves.

Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

For you, a thousand times over

I was lucky enough to marry a wonderful chef.

Real magic is not about gaining power over others: it is about gaining power over yourself.

The thing that separates a so-so director and a great director is a love and caring for film.

And how his audit stands who knows, save Heaven?

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.