There would have been more 'I love you's' and more, 'I'm sorry's'.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

[she] believes our experiences and our worlds make us. I believe our choices make our experiences and our worlds.

Everything is within the limit of possibility.

Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. And don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines.

People can be unimaginably foolish...and they can be unimaginably grand, at times.

No Christian is abandoned at the moment of death. The angels are the ushers, and our passage to heaven is under their escort.

Calumny is like counterfeit money; many people who would not coin it circulate it without qualms.

The difference between people who can read and write and those who can't is just absolutely astronomical.

Once our people get themselves into a position to make policy, they cease being our people.

Any time you can be with like-minded people, laughing or crying over the same joke or the same scene... For me it's therapeutic. You just feel a little less alone on the planet.

...I am not attacking any particular God or gods. I am attacking God, all gods, anything and everything supernatural, whenever or wherever they have been or will be invented.