These days with the web, you can burn out a character really quick.

I was a bartender at a Pizzeria Uno's for nine years. The people I worked with were amazing, but it was quite possibly the most miserable time of my life.

I steal props from SNL a great deal. Almost every sketch Im in, I try to grab something from it, so I have a storage space full of props.

My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it's delicious.

When I was at Upright Citizens Brigade, I would pretend to be a sad, drunk rapper.

In my mind, not in real life. My rap name will be Optimus Rhymes. Or the Notorious B.o.B.

Me, Billy Crystal and John Goodman hang out non-stop, and all we do is silly voices. We hang out in a little closet and do voices together.

If you watched 'Lost,' sometimes the episodes were crazy good and sometimes you're like, "That one was just sorta there."

I'm not very big on politics. I'm a comedian and not that smart. I don't have the mind capacity for it.

I'm very wary with impressions - I don't think I'm very good at impressions, I hate doing them.

I'm very bad with music. I don't know any new music. I've listened to the same 10 or 12 albums my whole life.

Extreme nationalism objectifies and dehumanizes those from other countries.

Under her palm, his heart beat strong and sure. It was such a human sound, so honest, so real.

Even if someone is already dead in front of you, knock twice on the heart who knows they might answer.

Never forget: Death was Satan’s greatest victory.

If you over-plot your book you strangle your characters. Your characters have to have enough freedom and life to be able to surprise you.

Kids aren't born to be bullies, they're taught to be bullies.

Anything that makes you happy can make you sad.

There were two kinds of women: those who wear nail polish and those who don't. Which do you prefer?

Every little moment has a meaning all its own.

The coward, afraid of the lash, with one hand wipes his eyes and gives with the other. Of what avail are such gifts?