They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Only bad books have good endings.If a book is any good, it's ending is always bad - because you don't want the book to end.

If you find what you do each day seems to have no link to any higher purpose, you probably want to rethink what you're doing.

I don't really shout that much.

It's mainly a few elite women who benefit greatly from standing with the forces that keep women down.

Yoga, like meditation, offers a method for coming together after you've come apart.

The average man never really thinks from end to end of his life. The mental activity of such people is only a mouthing of clichés.

You know you're getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

After about 25 fights you don't always have to keep going to the bathroom before the fight.

Water has a memory and carries within it our thoughts and prayers. As you yourself are water, no matter where you are, your prayers will be carried to the rest of the world.

Some books are undeservedly forgotten; none are undeservedly remembered.