They’re dogs. Never trust a man. Even when he’s dead. Especially when he’s dead. — Bats 2015

...causing her eyes to bulge and her tongue to flick from behind her luscious lips, scaring away insects." — Amok 2015

Elizabeth served herself to Vlad upon the Lazy Susan (Susan wasn’t lazy. She was actually dead." — Bats 2015

He sniffed until the long hairs of his mustache had been sucked up into his nose and out of his leafy ears." — Bats 2015

Purrrrrrrr” Elizabeth kneaded Vlad's pecs. “I hear a Kitty!” Vlad’s eyes sprung open. There was a moment of hurt, of sad. There was no kitty. “You’re teasing me!" — Bats

Elizabeth poured the brewskilicious foam over her aforementioned bodalicious huzza-huzzas and Wahwahzoozie." — Bats 2015

Gentle With Them Thar Spurs'—a sequel to 'Riders of the Purple Sau-Sage.' Spurs was the feminist novel of its day…which was Tuesday." —Bats 2015

Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you — especially when they are pleading for their lives." — Bats 2015

She could feel something unnatural following her every movement as she washed her bountiful Huzza and Wahzoozie" — BATS

...an ambitious array of dishonorable intentions that he intended to wield upon the Countess’s nether regions. — BATS 2015

You’re going to show up to a duel, in the street, wearing Come F—k Me Heels?" — Bats 2015

I suppose that we women are such cowards that we think a man will save us from fears, and we marry him.

Life is an endless sea of admiration, in constant collision with those who have aspired, to feel inspired once again.

My mom, if you asked her if she was interested in whether or not people gambled, would say no.

I've found that I seek out oddballs; I like strange and eccentric people a lot.

Probably the best thing that happened to me was going nuts. Nobody knew who I was until that happened.

I get nostalgic about having lived in Ames, Iowa, even though being a vegetarian in Iowa is not fun.

I criticize myself ruthlessly, but never mention the faults of which I am truly ashamed.

Life happens, and I write about it wherever I am.

Touch a man who can't walk up right, and that lame man, he's gonna fly.

Some desire is necessary to keep life in motion, and he whose real wants are supplied must admit those of fancy.