They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

That's not me talking, it's your inner voice. I'd attempt the accent, only I don't speak low self-esteem. It's a language I've never needed to learn.

I need to travel, of course, with my laptop, so I can do my business on the road.

The real issue is not whether two and two make four or whether two and two make five, but whether life advances by men who love words or by men who love living.

But you can't truly hate a man without loving him first, and there's always a trace of that love left over.

Using the Internet as as vehicle to work with people is fascinating. It's sort of a Pandora's box of energy for me.

This art of participating in happiness is one of the foundations if you want to be happy.

The economy is like a machine.

Our company has indeed stumbled onto some of its new products. But never forget that you can only stumble if you're moving.

Music is for sharing with people.

You are your dreams. Your dreams are what you can become, so don't stop dreaming and believing. Just Do It!