They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Hard work should be rewarded by good food.

What makes night within us may leave stars.

It's okay for you to lie but not for me to try

Beware! Freedom of speech also includes the freedom to be misunderstood.

I was going to be the hero of the movie [The Lost World]. I had to speak up and be like, "Shouldn't I be the one doing that?

One thing I know that's really cool - it seems to me that Blake Schwarzenbach [Jets to Brazil frontman; ex-Jawbreaker] is someone who's made music that's people continue to take really personally.

The prettiest people do the ugliest things.

Being humbled is always good for us, even if it doesn't feel good to us.

I thought, 'If you're going to be on TV, and if you're going to be out and glamorous, the natural look can stay at home.'

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.