They say it's the good girls who keep diaries. The bad girls never have the time. Me, I just wanna live a life I'm gonna remember even if I don't write it down.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

I wear my wrinkles like battle scars, having earned every last one slaying life’s dragons. They boast of my victories and some defeats while their beauty is a wealth of wisdom gained.

Great events are the hour-hands of time, while small events mark the minutes.

Young cat! If you keep Your eyes open enough, Oh, the stuff you will learn! The most wonderful stuff!

I don't give a damn how you feel about me, I sip lean pure codeine and I don't give a damn what you say about me.

The Microbe is so very small You cannot make him out at all, But many sanguine people hope To see him through a microscope.

I'm like the kid that crams for tests and never remembers anything.

Beauty perishes in life, but is immortal in art.

The seeds that we speed into life to be trees, will soon become fallen if thier roots aren't deep.

I was stopped in the dense Soviet wood by bandits who called themselves my judges.

Never cast pearls before swine.