They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Everyone Wants everyone to be perfect for them but they don't wanted to be perfect for others...

Teachable spirit makes you crave for more wisdom and knowledge.

My two daughters live on Facebook, and social media is their mode of communication.

Until four years ago, in fact, I was absolutely in love with the atom.

Remember, passing judgment on someone else's character, is only a reflection of your own.

Precocious talents mature slowly if at all.

But at the beginning it was clear to me that concrete poetry was peculiarly suited for using in public settings. This was my idea, but of course I never really much got the chance to do it.

Gruff,” I said, “I find myself largely clueless about why mortal women do what they do. It will take a wiser man than me to understand what’s in a fae woman’s mind.

I was an extremely reclusive and introverted boy.

I think, for me anyway, music and film is where you can really transport yourself to another universe.