They say that moving is one of the most stressful things in life. Death in the family is the second most stressful, and moving your dead spouse is the third.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

I stifled a yawn. "It's too early to be such an asshat Daniel.

You are only Invulnerable when you are in Fear

Mum, Vitali just sent me a text, would you pass me a new pair of panties.

All one needs is a computer, a network connection, and a bright spark of initiative and creativity to join the economy.

I wanna be drunk when I wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed.

[I] wish that the land-tax went a little more according to situation than it does. 'Tis really ridiculous, how one has to pay five times as much as another, without any reason that ever I heard tell.

We have a democracy within the bounds of a constitution which provides certain guarantees related to the basic humanity of every person. I think that's the best way to go.

I don't need a $100 million mistake. Try to make a $5 million mistake if you have to make one.

I never let my subject get in the way of what I want to talk about.

Also remember that in any man's dark hour, a pat on the back and an earnest handclasp may work a small miracle.