They sell pot named after me in the dispensaries. And I'm not even a pot guy. I was so honored.

I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars...

Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.

I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.

People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.

The best way to not get your heart broken, is pretending you don't have one.

It's quite fitting that Slash is getting a star on the very street Axl Rose will one day be sleeping on.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math.

I believe I am in Hell, therefore I am.

Christmas is a whisper of peace and a sigh of hope on the lips of love.

You have to be yourself otherwise people won't know who you are.

The most persistent principles in the universe are accident and error.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

I don't like to say mean things about people's hard work.

You don't BOO an Olympic Gold Medalist!

There is much debate in the scientific community as to the precise sources of global warming.

Our business is not to solve problems beyond our mortal powers, but to see to it that our thoughts are not unworthy of the great theme.

Tis misfortune that awakens ingenuity, or fortitude, or endurance, in hearts where these qualities had never come to life but for the circumstance which gave them a being.