They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing!

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

When truth is replaced by silence, the silence is a lie.

Both choices are painful but only one is therapeutic.

Birds are indicators of the environment. If they are in trouble, we know we'll soon be in trouble.

A tree is such a rich metaphor in a million beautiful ways. You can consider a tree growing and consider its connectedness to all things above and under the ground.

Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.

What is genius, anyway, if it isn't the ability to give an adequate response to a great challenge?

As night to stars, woe lustre gives to man.

Im pretty fair-skinned, so I need to get in the sun for a little while.

Resist beginnings: it is too late to employ medicine when the evil has grown strong by inveterate habit.

I have high blood sugars, and Type 2 diabetes is not going to kill me. But I just have to eat right, and exercise, and lose weight, and watch what I eat, and I will be fine for the rest of my life.