They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Even those who do not, or cannot, avail themselves of a scientific education, choose to benefit from the technology that is made possible by the scientific education of others.

Never allow anyone to stop you from pursuing your most cherished dreams.

For of those to whom much is given, much is required

There is always the fantasy of maternal love, but it does not accommodate a mother's fear of her children.

I never lost money by turning a profit.

Barack H. Obama is a landmark presidential figure as the first black, multiracial, multicultural president from Hawaii and the Pacific.

I played this character twice in live action, and now I've become an animated character. It was actually fun to see myself drawn - I've never been a drawn character before.

There is a universe behind and before him. And the day is approaching when closing the last book on the last shelf on the far left; he will say to himself, "now what?

I think bullies are very lonely people. I always tell teenagers not to bully others because it's unacceptable. We need to teach students to value themselves and to not put others down.

When you don't understand something it's always OK to ask questions. That's really the mentality that I've had.