Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

I’ve learned one thing-people who know the least anyways seem to know it the loudest.

You need intensity to be quick

The real youis much too big to be your own.

Media play a powerful role in establishing and perpetuating social norms.

Instead of plastic surgery, I'd rather have a height enhancement surgery.

Throughout Soviet times, I understood what was really happening in the world around me.

If I do have some success, I'd like to enjoy it, for heaven's sake! What is the point of having it otherwise?

Divorce: fission after fusion.

One should identify oneself with the universe itself. Everything that is less than the universe is subjected to suffering.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.