Think of what would happen to us... if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.

No brain is stronger than its weakest think.

Prohibition may be a disputed theory, but none can say that it doesn't hold water.

Seventy million books in America's libraries, but the one you want to read is always out.

What if my trousers are shabby and worn, they cover a warm hearth.

To feel themselves in the presence of true greatness many find it necessary only to be alone.

Sense of humor: A thread of illuminated intelligence that links two opposite ideas.

It must be a hard life to be the child of a psychologist.

A mind is as strong as its weakest think.

A senior always feels like the university is going to the kids.

The source of work? Man’s mind...man’s reasoning mind.

Someone's therapist knows all about you.

She lacks confidence she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself.

Whatever is well said by another is mine.

My training was never to drink after dinner nor before I wrote nor while I was writing.

It's better when you have your wife with you, more fun.

I have said it before but it bears repeating: Aid is not a gift. The United States provides foreign assistance because it serves OUR interests.

Don't be scared to walk alone. Don't be scared to like it.

The main thing that motivates me is laughter, and colors, and music, and dancing! And I do all of the above every day.

Write down what you feel guilty about. Now, with the biggest, reddest marker you can find, cross it out-delete it.