This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Do not wait for the government to provide solutions to the people when you can be their answer

Life goes on... with or without you.

It is not as if I want to be a princess. Since I was four years old I've spent every birthday, shooting star, wishbone, and lost eyelash wishing I did not have to be a princess!

Loss could be used as a measure of beauty in a woman.

[The media can be] the greatest force for peace on the earth [for] it is how we come to understand each other.

There are no interruptions, only mismanaged inputs

I think we do need better training programs, we do need a way to get people from careers that are dead-end into new careers.

I've had no sexual education, but I have six children.

If you want to end darkness you cannot beat it with a baseball bat, you have to turn on a light.

The only people who can be excused for letting a bad book loose on the world are the poor devils who have to write for a living.