This fitness thing is blown out of proportion. What am I going to do on a treadmill - smoke a cigarette and drink a diet Coke?

I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein.

I don't think I've ever stepped into a gym - they won't let me smoke there. I just thank God Miller Lite isn't as fattening as most beers. If I cut back on beer, though, I'd look anorexic.

I was never able to have three of four beers. One's too many, and ten just ain't enough. Basically it's the way I've been since high school.

I hit the ball as hard as I can. If I can find it, I hit it again.

Life is nothing but a memory. People who dwell on the bad ones aren't going to have a whole lot of good ones coming up.

There are probably some things I could do to keep my flexibility up, but I'd rather smoke, drink diet Cokes and eat.

I enjoy the oohs! and aahs! from the gallery when I hit my drives. But I'm getting pretty tired of the awws! and uhhs! when I miss the putt.

My slogan is who needs fitness when you've got great equipment.

I learned you can't drink whiskey and play golf.

Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it.

There is nothing to writing, all you have to do is, sit on the computer and bleed your thoughts.

You won't get perfect by beating yourself up

A sworn sworn owes his liege our service and obedience, but this is madness.

Until I was six years old we lived in the projects, then my two brothers and three sisters and I moved to a three-bed that my mother's father built.

In prison we are their jailers On trial their judges Persecuted their punishers Dead their conquerors

Truth is ever incoherent, and when the big hearts strike together, the concussion is a little stunning.

We invaded Iraq to change a totalitarian, despotic regime, and we have been successful there.

Still, one of the few good things about being dyslexic is that when I say I don’t read reviews, I mean I don’t read reviews.

We were language's magpies by nature, stealing whatever sounded bright and shiny.

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