This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Lies make for pathetic allies.

Getting caught is what I do best. It is either a natural talent (which means we can blame my family genes) or a well-hewn craft (in which case we can still blame my parents).

Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.

Say what you will, nothing can make a complete soldier except battle experience.

It's not hard work that wears you out, but the repression of your true personality, and I've found a way of working that does not demand that.

Unlimited activity, of whatever kind, must end in bankruptcy.

I want to produce images that startle one into recollection.

I believe the test of government is the contentment of the people.

When we touch the foundation of the reality of the good news of God, we will never bother Him anymore with little personal complaints.

There is no such thing as time management; there is only self-management.