This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Whatever the scenario, the dynamism of developing nations, their demographics and competitive power are great sources for superiority.

Intelligent martial arts is not getting in battles and winning them. Intelligent martial arts is avoiding battles because battles use up energy, and you can get hurt no matter who you are.

I believe that accurate knowledge is very, very important, but find that out in free time. Don't let it take over every hour of the day. Perhaps most important, talk about it.

I have a car business and if I had to do an estimate on my face, I would probably write it off.

Man has always desired power. Ownership of property gives this power. Man hankers also after posthumous fame based on power.

Great talent admits shortcomings.

Sport, rightly conceived, is an occupation carried out by the whole man.

What have you gotten me into?" I hissed at him. "Me? What have you gotten yourself into? Couldn't I have just picked you up at the police station for underage drinking, like most fathers?

Companies that put a mandated parental leave in place save money in the first year, FIRST YEAR. Because they don't have to hire to replace the woman.

Blame nobody else, do not commit the mistake of the ignorant.