This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

As far as I can go, I will reach for it.

Then here's to the City of Boston The town of the cries and the groans Where the Cabots can't see the Kabotschniks And the Lowells won't speak to the Cohns.

Just shred baby, shred.

When I refuse to obey an unjust law, I do not contest the right of the majority to command, but I simply appeal from the sovereignty of the people to the sovereignty of mankind.

God didn’t just give a little for us; He gave His best. He gave Himself.

In each person I catch the fleeting suggestion of something beautiful and swear eternal friendship with that.

I have tried reading the Bible but that's a tough read there. I watch a lot of religious documentaries. I have a keen interest in religion for someone who's not religious.

Attitude isn’t everything, but it is one thing that can make a difference in your life.

I saw Suicide in '74 and it was pretty horrifying.