This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.

I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.

I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.

I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.

I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.

I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.

Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?

For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.

I only got into comedy to get laid

A child’s best friend is often the one telling bedtime stories.

Let's get back to work and make another run at it!

It's what we do for each other that heals.

I became Gauleiter in 1927.

All my band members were old enough to be my dad. It was like this family vibe.

The point of cities is multiplicity of choice.

For she is my love, and other women are but big bodies of flame.

I will be writing to the relevant authorities to complain but I'm wasting my breath.

Me imperturbe, standing at ease in nature.

We are happy when for everything inside us there is a corresponding something outside us.