This was a true pants-pooping moment.

I figured I only had about two seconds to live. It’s amazing how many thoughts you can have in two seconds.

I had a choice. My instincts told me to hurry up and give the choking man the Heimlich maneuver. My brain told me to stay still until he expired and chalk this one up to divine intervention.

I shrieked like a little girl, which, if you think about it, makes total sense.

She looked mean, but I think that was her natural resting face.

I had read once that dumb people didn't know they were dumb. They thought they were just as smart as anybody else. That was a very unsettling thought. What if I was really dumb and didn't know it?

Do not go where you don’t belong. I scoffed. That sounded like an invitation if I ever heard one.

A stealthy ninja monkey she was not.

That was when things got weird. You may have thought things were weird already, but this was uber-weird

There is peace even in the storm

We are going to eat ice cream and we are going to eat shit. The trick is to use different spoons.

Not to expose your true feelings to an adult seems to be instinctive from the age of seven or eight onwards.

A cloud is made of billows upon billows upon billows that look like clouds. As you come closer to a cloud you don't get something smooth, but irregularities at a smaller scale.

Truth is always truth, untruth is always untruth. This is what matters, this is right desire.

When we hear our inner voice and follow it, we can walk our own path.

The man of impure speech is a person whose lips are but an opening and a supply pipe which hell uses to vomit its impurities upon the earth.

For my most of my career I've been a falling-down drunk. Most of my interviews were done hungover, and for a while it was great.

A crime is a crime irrespective of the birth marks of the criminal.

I'm accepting I'm not living that younger, dreamed version of myself in the big city.