This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

My heart is broken and I grieve, for I have known love. Your heart is broken and you grieve, for you have not.

The biggest threat to authors in this age is not plagiarism or poverty, it's obscurity

Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air.

Vampires should never say Uh-Oh!!

I think everything moving forward will just be instinctual, like we'll know exactly which doors to walk through when they open.

For though Duncan was a mere mortal, flawed as well, he'd accomplished a daring feat. Aye, he'd captured an angel. And she belonged to him.

I want kids who are going to go out there and compete, lay it all on the table. I think the big thing about this game is you have to care a lot about it.

With the stones we cast at them, geniuses build new roads with them.

Wear your heart on your skin in this life.

And it will fall out as in a complication of diseases, that by applying a remedy to one sore, you will provoke another; and that which removes the one ill symptom produces others.