This was so unfunny, Steve had to laugh.

Dear Mom, I won't be home this weekend because I'm wanted for treason and I have to clear my name. Also, I took the last Sprite from the fridge.Love, Steve

What is a great life if not a youthful idea executed by a man of mature years.

I live a very privileged life, obviously. I'm an accomplished actor, I have a very solid normal family, tons of siblings, and a mother that loves me.

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.

My sweet Lord, hallelujah. My, my Lord, hallelujah. My, my Lord, hare krishna.

Power calls to those who are hungry for power, and there are hungry idiots everywhere.

When we recognize that we don't have all the time in the world, we see our priorities most clearly.

She laughed like she'd just invented laughter.​

The rights of copyright holders need to be protected, but some draconian remedies that have been suggested would create more problems than they would solve.

I can't remember a single time [my parents] ever told me not to do something I wanted to do.

Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying.