This will be Michelle Obama's last opportunity to try to get me to eat kale.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

When you find your twin flame you also find your freedom, for there is nothing more exhilarating, wild and free than absolute soul love.

Do not allow your thoughts to condemn you. Be control of your mind.

I don't want forever. I never did... I just want right now.

Disney world is an armpit compared to Montana.

We are forced to participate in the games of life before we can possibly learn how to use the options in the rules governing them.

I was married when I wasn't quite 14 and had four babies by the time I was 18.

Man is the ant of the Universe; He is not an important creature, at least at the moment!

This is a green world, with animals comparatively few and small, and all dependent upon the leaves. By leaves we live.

We should try to achieve things for ourselves and not rely on former or past family glories with which we have no connection but the arbitrary nature of our birth.