Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Renew your mind every morning with pure thoughts.

Personal branding for dream fulfillment often comes like the process of building castles. You have to be attracted to the construction work carefully, consistently and passionately over time.

Little with love is better than much without love.

Where unwilling dies the rose Buds the new another year.

I've always wanted two kids. I've always wanted a girl and a boy.

Gold and silver grow, and so does every other kind of metal, the same as the hair upon my head, or the wheat in the field; they do not grow as fast, but they are all the time composing or decomposing

We set out to become a band for our time. But sometimes if you do a good-enough job, you become a band for all time.

Nothing changes; we humans repeat the same sins over and over, eternally.

The journey is more important than where you end up.

I don't necessarily want to talk about a book that I read. Even when I love it.