Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough times of my life I can listen to music and it makes such a difference.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.

He who receives a good turn should never forget it he who does one should never remember it.

Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera doesn't it?

Men have to recognize that women are not all the same when it comes to what can get them aroused.

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans.

Stephen Hawking: Brainier than Kurt Cobain's garage wall.

There are slavish souls who carry their appreciation for favors done them so far that they strangle themselves with the rope of gratitude.

Character is the basis of happiness and happiness the sanction of character.

I'm at the eye doctor. I'm always at the eye doctor. It's like this is my profession. I am no longer a writer, I'm now an optomoligical patient. By the way, this job doesn't pay well.

I do think ordinariness is, in a way, the enemy, but not ordinariness as the opposite of flamboyance.