Those who depend on television as their primary information source are condemned to .... A form of political illiteracy.

You make a living from 8 to 5, but you make money from 5 to 8.

Cities are gentrified by the following types of people in sequence: first the risk-oblivious (artists), then the risk-aware (developers), finally the risk adverse (dentists from New Jersey).

It's funny how, when things seem the darkest, moments of beauty present themselves in the most unexpected places.

If you believe it, it is.

Berkeley retains the merit of having shown that the existence of matter is capable of being denied without absurdity.

That is the moral of this story, kids. No matter how many people try to stomp on your happiness, you have the power to do whatever you want with your life.

Pride is the oldest and most common of sins. Humility is the rarest and most beautiful of graces.

Even death itself sometimes fails to bring the dignity and serenity which one would fain associate with old age.

Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come down below $2 a gallon again.

Priorities are the yearly goals that I'm most interested in achieving, then they become operationalized through weekly goals.

Once you're heterosexual and comfortable with that, you don't need to take out an announcement every day.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.