Those who do not know history are probably also not doing well in English or math. P.J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Health and disease are the same thing—vital action intended to preserve, maintain, and protect the body. There is no more reason for treating disease than there is for treating health.

One of the joys of going to the movies was that it was trashy, and we should never lose that.

If our lives are easy, and if all we ever attempt for God is what we know we can handle, how will we ever experience His omnipotence in our lives?

[Models] have the thinnest thighs, the shiniest hair and the coolest clothes, and they're the most physically insecure women probably on the planet.

How few friends would remain friends if each could see the sentiments of the other in their entirety.

It takes a while. It's gonna take you a while. It's normal to take a while. You just have to fight your way through that.

What we call human nature, is actually human habit.

I'm joking, I'm joking. Best decision I ever made.

If you look up the word "gab" in the dictionary, it's insignificant of importance, of no substance. That's what gab is.

There is no description, no image in any book that is capable of replacing the sight of real trees, and all of the life to be found around them in a real forest.