Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean.

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.

I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.

I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.

I am really bad at actually interviewing people.

In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

The BBC is a victim of its own independence.

I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything.

Academia is the death of cinema. It is the very opposite of passion. Film is not the art of scholars, but of illiterates.

addiction and expectation for the attraction = social media

Dostoevsky gives me more than any scientist, more than Gauss.

We have seen enough criminality on the part of government. It is hypocritical to make this allegation against me. They have narrowed the public sphere of influence.

No man ever repented of being a Christian on his death bed.

When men hire themselves out to shoot other men to order, asking nothing about the justice of their cause, I don't care if they are shot themselves.

Who can judge the judge?

The last time I didn't sexually harass someone here at the campaign, I didn't pay them $850,000 dollars.

The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.