Though I do not believe that my desire for Paradise proves that I shall enjoy it, I think it a pretty good indication that such a thing exists and that some men will.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

The music video will die when we all go blind, and music will never die, because even when you can't hear it, you can feel it.

When Brocker arrived he took her hands and held them to his face and cried into them.

For in Mexico, ladies and gentlemen, it's always high noon and what glows is fuchsia and what's dead is dead and no feather-dusters.

You don't want to move in with someone and find out that they don't have auto or health insurance. That's a rude awakening.

Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.

Lying Ted, right? You know, lying Ted comes in with a bible held high. You know that, right? It's held high. He puts the bible down and then he starts lying all day long.

It's nice not to have to worry about constituents.

He who has read Kafka's Metamorphosis and can look into his mirror unflinching may technically be able to read print, but is illiterate in the only sense that matters.

As a matter of fact, if we could communicate the truth, not only to the Hispanics but to the black population, all blacks should be Republican, and all Hispanics should be Republican.