Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

Beauty is the brightness of being.

Time and space have no meaning, just as your conscious thoughts are meaningless.

The lack of limitless positive imagination has undoubtedly led many people with great potential to settle for a mediocre state of living.

All his flowers have been awaiting me on my arrival. I don't know whether to feel flattered or hunted.

A perfect faith would lift us absolutely above fear.

A lifevest protects you from drowning and a bulletproof vest protects you from getting shot, and a sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.

You are a person of destiny. You are not here by accident. There is no obstacle too big, no dream you can't accomplish.

As a civilised society, we have a duty to support those among us who are vulnerable and in need. When times are hard, that duty should be felt more than ever, not disappear or diminish.

Understanding has very specific component parts. These component parts are affinity, reality and communication.