Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

You know my children that humanity advances only by forming itself an ideal and endeavoring to realize it. Every passion has its ideal which is modified by that of the whole.

It's impressive when you're such a mysterious fictional character that even avid enthusiasts are debating your existence within the mythos.

A superior man may be made to go to the well, but he cannot be made to go down into it. He may be imposed upon, but he cannot be fooled.

The humility that cringes in order that reproof may be escaped or favor obtained is as unchristian as it is profoundly immoral.

We had to be our own mothers of invention, in many senses of the word.

Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.

In good times, we all want to drop anchor, to stop in time! But man is condemned to move till the far end of the precipice!

In my own writing, I think of myself as a realist who exaggerates a little.

Be salt, and a little bit of salt keeps the whole society from going rancid.