Through my satire I make little people so big that afterwards they are worthy objects of my satire and no one can reproach me any longer.

The streets of Vienna are paved with culture, the streets of other cities with asphalt.

Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays.

Corruption is worse than prostitution. The latter might endanger the morals of an individual, the former invariably endangers the morals of the entire country.

I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up.

The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.

Newspapers have roughly the same relationship to life as fortune-tellers to metaphysics.

Christianity has enriched the erotic meal with the appetizer of curiosity and spoiled it with the dessert of remorse.

The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people worse than they are.

There is no immortality that is not built on friendship and work done with care.

You have to have a good race plan. Our race plan this morning was to win the heat and get into the finals tonight. Tonight will be the big race.

I knew the Apple II was great when I bought it, but as I dug into the details it just completely blew me away the creative artistic approach that the designers had taken.

Everything an Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the power of the world always works in circles.

The beautiful seems right by force of beauty and the feeble wrong because of weakness.

Brown Bear, Brown Bear was kind of my first important book

Looking ahead, I can see more and more instances where I will disagree with the president.

I ask one thing only: I ask for the right to hope, to suffer as I do. But if even that cannot be, command me to disappear, and I disappear. You shall not see me if my presence is distasteful to you.

There are exceptional people out there who are capable of starting epidemics. All you have to do is find them.

I wonder if that's hurt me at the box office. Maybe audiences these days want to know exactly what to expect when they go into a movie, and my movies are hard to explain in just one way.