Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun.

No one ever grew up intending to be an umpire, except perhaps my friend Bill Haller. His brother Tom wanted to be a catcher, so an affinity for masks must run in that family.

Umpiring is best described as the profession of standing between two seven-year olds with one ice cream cone.

The practical joke is the psychiatry of baseball.

Any umpire who claims he has never missed a play is . . . well, an umpire.

Umpire's heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.

One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule.

Being an umpire is like being a king. It prepares you for nothing.

Lou Piniella only argues on days ending with the letter 'y'.

I never called a balk in my life. I didn't understand the rule.

If it's true you learn from your mistakes, Jim Frey will be the best manager ever

No matter how ugly a fruit is, worms will seek it out.

A prayer/meditation a day, keeps the Doctor away.

With the persistent loud voice, fool asks us to respect serenity.

In extreme youth in our most humiliating sorrow we think we are alone. When we are older we find that others have suffered too.

I think they clearly do not fit within the prescriptions of the Geneva Convention. It's hard for me to see how members of al Qaeda could be considered prisoners of war.

In infants, levity is a prettiness; in men a shameful defect; but in old age, a monstrous folly.

[Socialistic] economic planning, regulation, and intervention pave the way to totalitarianism by building a power structure that will inevitably be seized by the most power-hungry and unscrupulous.

I am not as I once was. They have done this to me, broken me open and torn out my heart. I do not know who I am anymore. I must try to remember.

There is in the Sacred Heart the symbol and express image of the infinite love of Jesus Christ which moves us to love in return.

I'm willing to be regarded as a tyrant to keep my vision intact.